Mother of the Bride (3)

I have my fascinator. It looks like a mid-air collision between a blackbird and an Asian Paradise-flycatcher. We went out early, The Bride and me and after breakfast at Mbriki, we wandered along the Leicester Lanes in early spring sunshine and found Impeys, an MotB shop that really belongs in a 'heritage' theme park. There, a very elderly assistant sold me a very expensive fascinator, writing out a paper 'chit' as the receipt.
I haven't heard much about the Hen Night but I understand there was a moment involving masks of Kate and Wills, a toilet and a camera, which was probably treasonous.
My friend and I stayed on in the restaurant, drinking more wine and coffee and having refused a pudding, eating the chocolate hearts I had brought for the table. Despite my fears, the staff were relaxed and good-humoured and the food was brilliant.
The 'old' for The Bride was a white heather favour from my own wedding, the 'new' some wedding tights (yes, such things do exist), the 'blue' a new pair of knickers and the 'borrowed' my diamond earrings made from a ring that originally belonged to my grandmother. When my grandparents lived in India before partition, the myth is that my grandfather bought the diamond one night from a merchant who appeared at the back door with several uncut diamonds wrapped in a dirty rag.
For the two of us left behind, it was a new experience to wander through the town late at night, looking for a taxi. It was so busy, so loud, so crowded and everyone was SO drunk. We decided to do it again; maybe find a champagne bar playing good jazz and pass the whole evening watching. Beats Saturday night TV any day.
I didn't hear The Bride come in but the next day the house was Very Quiet. The words 'never again' were overheard.

Mother of the Bride (2)

Six weeks to go and 'Team MG' has swung into action. Over the weekend I had the first of three manicures, the haircut before The Wedding Haircut and the wax before The Wedding Wax. In education we call this 'scaffolding'. Essentially, it's about planning the small steps needed to reach a desired outcome by building on what is already there; as difficult a job in beauty as in teaching, requiring targets and goal setting by the staff at Femi and George's.
I won't be going clubbing next Saturday night with the rest of the 'girls' on the 'hen night' but I am allowed to bring one friend, so we will sit and drink champagne while they go out into the cold night to shake their brains about in a noisy barn packed with teenagers. They are going to Ragdale Hall for the day and we're meeting at The Case for dinner. The early part of the evening was mine to organise as The Bride isn't having any bridesmaids. I won't go into any details as The Bride may read this but it is 'all in the best possible taste' to quote the late Kenny Everett. The restaurant rang today to confirm the booking and there was a pause when I told them that our booking was for a hen night. How to convince over the phone that you're actually quite respectable? Pathetically, I ended up quoting our respective ages and professions but they still banned table sprinkles, banners and balloons with 'hen night' on them. Luckily, inflatable willies weren't banned (just kidding).
My friend and I decided to dress up, since opportunities are few and gorgeous dresses many, so after a great deal of searching, on Saturday I bought a grey/blue silk shift dress from Coast. The dress was reduced by 25% in John Lewis but I paid full price in House of Fraser in order to get my size. The Bride then telephoned to say that they're going to an Indie club, so don't want to be too formal. One of us will definitely be turning up 'too formal'.
My body prefers to gain weight rather than lose it, particularly if it suspects a diet is being imposed but it has finally acknowledged defeat and I am shrinking. Only four pounds to lose!